(un)Desireable
by Warden27
Summary: How could she compare to women such as them? Zevran had seen thousand of women...she was just one among many...one whose stomach was not flat-whose chest was far to small. Elves were meant to be slender and pleasing to the eye...Neria eyed her companions-Morrigan...lelianna. Next to them...she was just a chubby mage-nothing special...nothing important-nothing desirable...
1. Chapter 1

Neria Surana had never wished her hearing was worse than she did in this moment.

The sly tone of his voice was impossible to ignore, the confident way in which he spoke and the accent he held holding her attention even when he was not speaking to her.

Zevran Arainai was becoming the bane of her existence-Neria could feel the heat gathering beneath the collar of her robes and puffed out her cheeks in frustration.

Undeterred or perhaps oblivious-her companions continued on with their conversation behind her.

"In Antiva, women are accustomed to being showered with the praise they deserve. Men should worship you at your feet as you pass." Zevran smiled in an endearing manner towards Morrigan. Who merely rolled her eyes.

"They don't find that incredibly annoying?" The swamp witches chin lifted as she peered down her nose at the assassin, yellow eyes gleaming.

"They are goddesses receiving their subjects, just as you should be. Whatever would be annoying about that?" He tilted his head to the side, smirking at her.

Morrigan scoffed. " I have no wish to be placed upon a pedestal."

" But you deserve no less! You should be admired by painters, copied by sculptors, exalted by poets! Surely you know that yours is a beauty so exotic it-it would turn the eye of the Maker Himself!"

Morrigan hesitated-her voice revealing uncertainty "Well, I suppose I..."

"By the Maker! You were right! You win, I guess." Alistair's voice rudely cut in-not allowing Morrigan to finish her thought.

Zevran let out a chuckle at Morrigan's shocked expression. "Thank you, ser. I expect payment forthwith. " He winked at the swamp witch even as he spoke and Morrigan glared-her face turning cold.

"I hate you all." She informed them darkly-picking up the pace and moving to walk alongside the quiet mage leader.

Neria held back a pleased smirk-realizing it hadn't been a serious attempt at flirting. She wiped the expression clean as Morrigan kept pace with her.

"How can you stand him?" The witch snapped at her friend.

Neria blinked wide blue eyes at the woman-confusion evident. " I...sorry?"

"Zevran" Morrigan clarified impatiently. " He is nothing but a dog drooling over any piece of meat within sight."

"I don't think he's that bad..." Neria murmurred softly, keeping her eyes on the road. They had been walking without any incidents for hours to catch back up with the others at camp.

"Of course you don't-you gaze at him like Sten does cookies." Morrigan snapped. She waved her hands in exasperation. " I've had enough." she walked ahead of even Neria-rapidly putting distance between herself and the group.

Neria ducked her head to let the colour of her cheeks fade.

But..Morrigan wasn't wrong was she? Zevran was very attractive-even by elven standards. He flirted with her often...but he did so with the others almost as much.

Every time he spoke suggestively her face turned to the colour of a tomato-she knew she shouldn't be so irritated by his similar behaviour towards the others...jealousy was unbecoming and it wasn't as if her and Zevran were actually an item.

She didn't mind the idea of it...but.

Why would he want someone like her?

Leliana and Morigan were both slim and beautiful-Morrigan was exotic and Leliana held a warmth that could not be matched by another.

Next to them-she was a chubby circle mage who was slowly gaining muscle and not losing any of the fat...

Her stomach wasn't flat-her face was too round, her eyes too wide.

Back at the circle, her friend Gwen would call her curvaceous and beautiful, but standing next to all the others Neria still knew she was out of place. Elves were meant to be slender...she wasn't huge but...she was a few pounds over average that was for sure.

She sighed-the noise carrying louder than she wished it had.

"Chin up Neria, Morrigan is just being as cheerful as she always is." Alistair's voice was mocking-the words dripping with sarcasm.

"My dear woman, such an expression should not be placed on a face so lovely, don't let the witches behaviour worry your little head, she'll blow off some steam kill some Darkspawn and all will be well, yes?" Zevran winked at her as she looked at him and her tongue seemed to twist into knots at such a simple gesture.

"O-of c-course Zev." She stuttered, before physically biting down on her tongue to prevent more treacherous stumbling words from escaping the confines of her mouth and mind.

_Stupid stupid stupid!_

Zevran gave a light tsk. "Still a lovely voice despite your stumbling my dear, don't hold back on my account."

Neria felt the heat spreading to her ears and merely cleared her throat, speeding up her pace. " Come on, we are...losing the light."

They all knew she was lying...


	2. Chapter 2

Camp was a welcome sight when they finally reached it, Neria breathed a sigh of relief seeing everyone where they were supposed to be unharmed.

Morrigan had already set up her own separate little fire and tent-still fuming; Neria could practically see the smoke coming from the woman's ears.

Sten was speaking quietly with shale over by the tree's.

Alistair was playing with Dake, who ran in circles around the warrior. Barking enthusiastically while Lelianna watched from the fire-covering her mouth to hide a laugh.

Zevran had vanished to Maker knows where and Neria found herself too exhausted to do much more than mildly worry for the assassin's well being. He knew how to fight and take care of himself...her concern was really unnecessary if she was honest.

Neria worried her bottom lip, sitting across the fire from Lelianna, the quiet mage did little more than watch the fire dance.

She needed to start making dinner soon. Before it got much later.

Without a word she stood from her spot and made for the tree's, Lelianna's voice behind her gave her pause however.

"Neria? Where are you off to?" The orlesian sounded concern and Neria turned guiltily towards her friend with a sheepish expression.

"Oh...Sorry, I supposed I wandered off in my own thoughts as usual. I need to go gather some things for the stew..." She trailed off at the confused expression on the former sister's face.

Lelianna tilted her head and frowned-her brows furrowing. "Neria...it is my turn to cook the meal." Lelianna gestured to the fire-which now held the pot of stew the mage had been about to go prepare...

Neria bit her lip and flushed-So lost in her own mind she had missed the archer putting the pot over the flames...let alone realizing it was not her night to cook.

After all, had she not done so only two nights before.

"I am sorry Lelianna...I seem to be a bit distracted tonight..." The mage let her gaze wander as she spoke-but still she caught no sight of blond hair she was looking for.

When she turned her blue eyes back to her friend, Lelianna bore a knowing smirk.

"I see...well perhaps you should take your bath before dinner instead of waiting tonight, yes? You could use the moment to relax I believe. After all...we will be arriving at lake Calenhad tomorrow, seeing your old home will be...strange i'd think." She suggested-the smirk becoming an earnest friendly smile.

Neria laughs a bit and nods, awkwardly rubbing the back of her head, as usual she barely lifted her voice to speak. "I...t-think that's a great Idea...thank you. I...I won't be long I promise."

Lelianna waved dismissively. " Take your time and enjoy it. You've earned at least that much."

Neria nodded hurriedly and moved to her tent to grab her things before leaving, she glanced around before heading towards the large pond they'd found nearby. It was big and still but not too large that she could not warm the water.

Normally Neria would wait to take her bath after everyone else had done so. It wasn't a courtesy so much as something she wished to do alone.

The girls bathed together as did the boys...but Neria bathed alone-away from view. While in the back of her head she knows Lelianna and Morigan would give little to no care about what she looked like beneath her robes; Neria could not help but feel intimidated.

Reaching the edge of the water she set her things aside carefully before casting a rune not too far into the water, letting the water bubble up and heat rapidly. She frowned to herself and turned it down a notch-no need to boil herself like their stew.

Looking away from the water she began methodically removing her robes-stripping down had always been a rushed thing even in the tower. If you were quick enough-no one had a chance to see.

_Out here it shouldn't still be a problem, but old habits died hard _she thought wistfully, kicking off her boots and placing them next to her gloves and long cape. She reached around behind her to begin prying open her robes.

Just as the knots loosened-the front of her robes falling away-a voice made her heart jump to her throat.

"Here I thought to merely survey the parameter of our camp, and instead I stumble upon a beautiful elf preparing to bathe. " The familiar accent had both fear and something far more pleasant coiling in her gut.

She grabbed her robes before they could fall and blushed scarlet-biting her bottom lip before turning towards Zevran.

"S-sorry to dissapoint Zev, But it's just me." She smiled uneasily-trying to force her words to be even.

The Assassin chuckled softly, eyeing her over with an intuitive amber gaze.

"I saw you struggling with your robes...thought to offer my aid...but then your clever fingers managed to get those pesky knots." He walked towards her as he spoke casually-and she noted offhandedly that his hair was damp-the normal braids missing. He wore no armour but she doubted he had come unarmed. The casual clothing did nothing to soothe her racing heart.

"As for disappointing me...I beg to differ, if anything I am just all the more pleased that it is you, My dear warden." He stopped just in front of her, his arms crossed over his broad chest and she lowered her gaze to eye the space between them, swallowing.

"I ah...well...uhm..." she cleared her throat and looked to the water. Arranging her scrambled mind to speak coherently. "Yes I managed well, enough on my own." she emphasized the last two words, looking back to him and catching that damnable smirk.

She ignored the second part of what he said, clutching her robes against herself and shifting back and forth on her feet-the air was cold against her bared back. She fought back a shiver as his smirk widened.

"Mmm...you bathing alone all the time is ...most concerning." He tsked gently, raising his fingers to brush a stray black curl back behind her pointed ear, this naturally turned into him sliding his thumb along the length of it before he caught her chin between two fingers.

"It would be most unwise of me to let you continue risking yourself in such a manner. A bodyguard should be placed nearby." He smiled at her and winked. " To keep watch over you while you're so ...vulnerable." he amended, glancing down her form and dropping his hand from her skin.

Neria had stared at him, lips parted in confusion as he touched her and spoke in such a manner.

The man was shameless, but his words finally registered.

"Do you have someone in mind?" She quipped gently. " I am hardly vulnerable Zev. You of all people should know that."

Her words didn't elicit an angry response-much to her disappointment-if anything he seemed pleased- his eyes lidding as he smirked in approval. " So very true...you are as deadly as you are beautiful, my dear."

Neria blushed and looked away. "If you don't mind. I'd like to bathe in peace now."

He chuckled gently and stepped around her. " As you wish, Neria. " he paused by her side, his voice lowering as he spoke by her ear.

"I will be sure to keep an eye on you next time..."

Before she could respond at all he had vanished from her view, she whirled-her cheeks flushed and eyes angry. She searched the trees for signs of him, sending out gentle pulses of magic to search for any unseen threats...

Nothing.

_what did he mean, next time? The nerve of him..._

Neria frowned and dropped her death grip on her robes, releasing her nails from the fabric to avoid ripping the expensive cloth...She looked back to the water and stomped her way over, slumping into the warmth it supplied with a deep sigh.

Her thoughts flew every which way. Here she was-a grey warden in the middle of the blight.

And of course, the blight was the furthest thing from her thoughts.

Zevran was always forward-but tonight...the tension had been so clear in the air she could practically cut it with a knife...His fingers along her skin left behind a pleasant burn that just added to the warmth of her cheeks.

She peered down into the water at herself...holding still as she caught the gaze of her reflection.

Her eyes were the same-a dark blue with thick black lashes around them, though the dark circles beneath her vibrant gaze were new. Her skin was pale, burnt from the sun in places...she had not so much as stepped outside before being recruited. Her freckles were more prominent beneath the growing tan. Almost seeming to cluster together on her skin.

Her hair was a wild mass of curls around her face-falling to the middle of her back. The weeks spent outside had taken its toll, the locks seemed rather lifeless, dry and frizzy.

Neria admitted to herself that her face wasn't as round as it used to be, whether that was due to her change in diet or age though she could not tell.

Reluctantly she looked down at her body as she began to bathe in earnest, ducking under the water to wet her hair. Peering down at herself she amended that her breasts were not small...but average...her hips in comparison were quite wide. What had Gwen called her?

Ah yes...pear shaped.

Neria wasn't sure she liked that comparison.

With a jerk she shook herself free of her thoughts-scrubbing at her skin until it was an angry red she did not linger as she first wished to in the warm water.

He should not have such an effect on her. Her appearance meant little-Zev just flirted with everyone.

She placed her robes on quickly-tying the knots clumsily and shivering in the suddenly cool air. She made her way back to camp rapidly-turning her thoughts away from the blond assassin to the more pressing matter.

How much she really wanted that stew...


	3. Chapter 3

**That moment you realize your authors notes haven't been showing up at all in the chapters. **

**Ill go back shortly and change that in the other chapters.**

**hope you're enjoying this story and please R&amp;R I own nothing :)**

Strange didn't begin to cover their visit to the mage tower.

Neria coughed into her fist as she pushed past the fires, all this was a dream. She knew this but in her mind it was hard to prove to herself.

The heat of the fire at the back of her neck felt so real-nipping at her heels as she ran through the trees of some forest. Her mothers screams behind her and the hissing of demons telling her this was all her fault.

it was...wasn't it?

She broke through the line of trees only to find some odd run down tower...and Duncan beckoning her towards him in the centre of the room. The screams and fires faded away into nothing and she swallowed thickly-looking around in alarm.

She walked slowly towards Duncan, her mind swimming with confusion.

Dread seemed to gather in her gut. As the grey warden that recruited her kept speaking more and more doubt seemed to cloud her thoughts.

"You're dead" she told him finally.

When he had attacked her she had been stunned into silence.

She killed the imposters of her supposed allies and the rest of her time spent within the Fade was just as trying. Her mind was being toyed with and twisted-she may have escaped her dream but that didn't mean her friends had.

Alistair had been a bit tricky-but he had already met his real sister and she was nowhere near as kind as the spirit made her out to be. With a bit of convincing she managed to get Alistair to snap out of it. Neria found herself relieved that they had visited Denerim after dealing with the dalish in the Brecilian forest.

Hugging him when it had been over and both of them watching in alarm as he faded from view...

Unable to do much beyond hopelessly watch she moved on, rubbing at her head and fending off the angry spirits that tried to attack.

She didn't understand how Morrigan could handle this shape-shifting thing-it left her feeling strong one second and exhausted the next.

The next person she found was Wynne. She didn't know the elderly mage very well-while Neria had studied under her during her time learning the more beneficial sides of magic-she was never as good as some of the other students Wynne taught.

Neria could heal just fine...but she truly mastered the abilities of entropy and mental strength.

Getting Wynne to realize her students were her enemies had been...frustrating...she didn't want to listen, merely wanted to grieve. Eventually the elder mage came to her senses-it was easier than it had been with Alistair because Wynne was a mage. They both understood the fade better than anyone who had never been here while aware of it.

The last one she had to find had been Zevran...

Seeing him stretched out like that-held by chains and incapable of showing weakness had made a hard lump form in her throat. Still he joked with her saying he had no time for the distractions of even a beautiful woman.

He was always so glib even when in trouble.

She eventually grew frustrated and turned on the 'crows' Killing them and running over to Zev after. She released him with trembling fingers as he watched her in confusion.

"Are you okay...I'm so sorry." the second part she kept saying softly, Zev arching a brow at her as he tipped his head to the side.

"Worried you'll lose your assassin, my warden?"

Neria stared at him frantically-her hart stuttering to a stop and resuming a calmer pace as she blurted out. " No I was worried i'd lose you. "

Zev blinked at her but before more could be said he had vanished just like the others.

Neria wiped at her face and lifted her chin before continuing on her way.

It had never felt so good to kill a demon. When her and the others woke up-she was both relieved and frustrated her shape-shifting powers didn't remain. Alistair pestered her with questions but she waved him away tiredly.

Dealing with the rest of the tower happened in a blur. Neria exhausted her magic stores-alongside Wynne. The two mages ended up leaning on each other for support as Zev and Alistair stayed close to them as they could during a fight to ensure their safety.

Seeing Cullen outside of the harrowing chamber broke Neria's heart. Even if his words made her cheeks go red. The poor Templar had always had a soft spot for Gwen and her.

Though towards her he had never really been as flustered as he had been with Gwen.

Who he told her was in that chamber, trapped with the first enchanter and the others.

She promised to get him out, but Cullen was hysterical-not listening to a word she had to say. Demanding she kill the mages for they had to be possessed.

He was traumatized and her heart was in pain for him.

But she merely nodded silently to his ravings and marched into the chamber to take Uldred down.

The entire trip to the tower she had called home felt like one giant nightmare. Neria feared that perhaps she had never woken up from the sloth demon's forced dream.

She managed to free some of the mages during the fight against Uldred. They broke free of their magical bonds and helped.

But Neria could not forget the last thing she saw of Gwen-what was left of Uldred lifting a massive clawed fist and swinging towards her friend. Gwen's small body flew towards the sides colliding with the wall with a loud crack only to fall to the ground limply.

Her cry of alarm was drowned out in the rest of the chaos..and moments later the demons and Uldred were dead...

Neria yelled at Wynne to go to the first enchanter as she ran over towards Gwen.

Sliding on her knee's her entire body covered in blood and sweat and who knew what else she cradled Gwen's head in her lap and called out to her, giving her small thing frame a gentle shake.

Aside from Jowan. Gwen was the only one she had. Jowan betrayed her trust-he was the whole reason she got involved with the grey wardens. Finding him in Redcliffe had broke her heart.

How could he have done this?

But Gwen...Gwen had done nothing...she was such a bright mage-going for her harrowing shortly after Neria had left...and passing with flying colours she told Neria in a letter.

She even mentioned how Cullen kept looking at her...

But as Wynne came over, checking over the still form of her friend.

The look on the older woman's face told Neria all she needed to know. Gwen was gone.

The rest of the conversations occurred in a dull state to Neria. She didn't blame the mages...she got their help for Connor.

She ignored Cullen's ravings...and she left with her friends at her sides.

She wanted this to be a nightmare now.

because at least then...she still had a chance at waking up.

Back at camp the others waited for them with hopeful expressions. But Neria marched past them and went straight back down to the lake. They would stay at the tavern near Lake Calenhad tonight.

Alistair explained with a heavy voice what had happened, Neria herself offered no words. She stared across the water at the place she had once called home.

She vaguely remembers Wynne and Lelianna joining her. The sister letting her lean her head into her shoulder as she silently cried-shoulders shaking as she held back the noise of her sobs.

No healing magic could take this pain away.

She lost all of her old friends-looking around at those who surrounded her now. She wondered.

If she would lose them to...

Zevran watched as one by one the group slipped off to their own rooms in the inn. Watching Neria move to her own made his heart feel heavy. The normally bright girl seemed so lifeless. He remembers the fear in her eyes as she undid the bindings around his wrists in the dream. She had barely touched her dinner and she would need her strength.

Neria would not normally be so careless.

The Assassin stood and grabbed her untouched plate-ordering a more fresh round of food and drink and eating the cold leftovers himself before he followed the young mage to her room.

He paused briefly outside the door before steeling himself and stepping inside.

If there was ever a time Zev was afraid of a woman...it was now.


End file.
